THE FIRST TRIP

How was your Trip?

RESET ME. It would be our first time taking shrooms together. I looked forward to the visuals I would see but had learned they would not be the most significant part of my trip. This time, the visuals weren’t as important compared to the change in perception I was trying to achieve. 11 pm. I consumed somewhere between 2 to 3 grams with some pretzel m&m's and turned on the movie "The Matrix", as I patiently waited for my trip to begin-- my boyfriend by my side. Midnight: calm and the feeling of euphoria took over. The concept of time began to slip away and visual stimulation started to set in. We took our mushroom party to the rooftop deck of his apartment complex. Again, I was in awe at the beauty of what I normally took for granted. Oh wow! It’s so beautiful! It’s all so amazing.” I had never before felt so intimately connected with the city as I did while watching the color of the buildings and high rises and sky scrapers change. I could see traffic lights change on the entire opposite side of the city. There were millions of stars connected by faint white lines and I could see each and every one. Those lines then connected to the buildings and then connected to me. I could see what appeared as a "fingerprint" on every single thing. I walked around the wooded patio on the rooftop barefoot and that felt like 10,000 little hands giving me a pedicure. My first chakra so stimulated. After what felt like forever of getting lost in the beauty all around me, I was snapped back into my consciousness. I suddenly remembered why I had eaten the mushrooms in the first place. My boyfriend asked me to come sit next to him. I sat with him for a moment, feeling the guilt start to consume me, when I had this sense of ease come over me. All of a sudden, I knew that it was ok, that work was being done here. I had believed for a while that everything happens for a reason and that it is all connected in a way that is challenging for the human mind to even conceive. In that moment, all that I had intuitively believed to be true about the reasoning behind seemingly good and bad events became clear; I now knew that nothing is inherently good or bad. The universe has no judgment, everything just is, and it’s all perfect.

I could feel my energy being thrown around, from one extreme to the other (mainly between my energy and my boyfriends) but something would not allow me to dwell in his energy. We were calm. The trip told me his feelings toward me didn't matter. His love (whether present or not) didn't matter. Maybe he doesn't love me the way he loves other people -- but that didn't matter. I talked to myself (in my head) about all the fears I had about him and life and the same response kept coming through-- "Don't worry, everything is going to be okay. You have no problems. Don't worry, everything is going to be okay". "I was watching how my life was full of contradictions and what that was doing to my spirit. I wanted to be in a relationship, yet I felt alone. I encouraged people to live lives of freedom, passion, and love, yet I often experienced feelings of depression, insecurity, and loneliness. I advocated love and peace yet was all to quick to judge another. All these contradictions were fragmenting my energy, leaving me feeling disconnected and out of place. I was being shown that to achieve true inner peace, I needed to learn to live in alignment. I had heard of this idea of living in alignment before and understood it intellectually, but was now learning it experientially. I was being brought through different parts of my life that weren’t congruent with my truth. I was feeling what it was energetically to be out of alignment. I
was being taught how to energetically feel what is true for me and what isn’t, and to learn to make my decisions from that place."

My entire physical life, 29 years of experience, became the smallest blip in my brain. I still knew myself, but I knew then how much more there is to existence than what we are able to sense. The concept of time was back in full effect. It was about 5 in the morning and I was so exhausted. Minute by minute I became more conscious of "normal" reality & I didn't like it. Did I have to go back to "normal" reality? I couldn't run and hide there (in my trip)... I must learn, grow, and expand there (in my trip). Later that morning when I awoke, I was so confused. I had no idea how to make sense of what had just happened, let alone what to do with it. When I went to talk to my boyfriend about my trip he was upset about an update on his iphone. This hurt a bit, for I wanted him to be who he truly was, who his spirit was, the man I laid with last night and felt his soul. I learned that heaven and hell, up and down, inside and outside can be very close to each other. "Thou art That" Whatever you experience around you is what you are yourself. What you remember mainly afterwards are not the images, but the sensation of clarity; your thoughts were direct, clear, undisturbed. The ego disappeared.